Serenity, Now

Well, now that developments are quite a bit more frequent, I'll be posting more often (and hopefully less long-winded as the previous post). Current update: last Wednesday, we went to the specialist for the echocardiogram and they confirmed previous guesses: HRHS with Tricuspid Atresia. This basically means that the lower right ventricle is not formed and they believe she is missing her pulmonary artery.   


The whole thing sounds scary at first, but what they can do now a days is pretty amazing when it comes to the heart. Also as a positive, the left side of her heart (which is the main part of the heart that is supposed to pump for a lifetime of work) looks good and strong. Ana will have to undergo 3 surgeries in her first 2-3 years of life, but after that should be relatively normal and live a happy life. No contact sports for her, but she can still be active and have kids according to the doctor. Here's another good thing about the internet: I've found plenty of stories where kids have grown up after these procedures and lived/felt normal and even recently had healthy babies of their own. Those stories give me hope and peace for the future. :)


Another thing that has given me inner peace as well as strength is the Hypnobabies class that Tim & I started this past week. One week and I feel completely changed and empowered! I knew this was the right class for us...I had no idea how thoroughly it would work and how quickly, though. My instructor, Susan, is absolutely awesome! She even shared with us another instructor's story to help give us added strength and peace. Lindsay had a perfectly happy and peaceful home-birth, in water. Her daughter came out and Lindsay was even surprised she'd come out already. 10 days later, they found out that little June had a heart defect (similar, yet different) and needed to go in for treatment. She was able to go home to mom & dad 10 days later and is on medications and awaiting her surgery in a few months, but is otherwise able to interact with siblings and family (and even do baby yoga class with mom). It's a very inspiring story...on top of the other stories I've found.


On top of all the inspiration, my Hypnobabies course has me relatively completely relaxed and in control of my emotions & future interactions with doctors/hospital staff/people who want to undermine my determination for still a peaceful, happy birth. I came up with a birth plan last night (& questions for the staff), ran it by Tim who approved, and sent it to Caroline (the social worker coordinating my birth) along with Lindsay's story from the news to use as fodder against the hospitals who seem bound and determined to strap me to a bed and "deliver" this baby from me. Lesson 1: I don't need to "be delivered", thank you very much! I will birth my little precious baby when she decides it's time and how I see fit. As long as I have my wits about me, that's how it's gonna be. /nods/


It's kinda funny...at first, I wondered, "what possible lesson or positive experience could this development bring?" But at this point, I know it'll bring Tim, Ana, and I closer together as a tight little family; I know it's making me stronger and more stable as a mom - I'm learning very quickly how to stick up for what I say will and will not happen; and Tim and I are both learning deeper communication and relaxation skills which are useful even beyond this adventure. I'm positive that Ana will be just fine. I've seen images of her happy and giggling as a baby, smiling and beautiful as a child, dancing and spinning in the sunshine, and I've seen her older and refined - glowing and beautiful. I might be delusional to some (crazy hippie girl!), but I honestly believe these things will be true. It's just gonna be a little different of a road to get there than we expected. :-)


As an end-note, I have to say how amazing and awesome Tim is as a father, partner, husband, friend, and supporter. He's right there beside me in everything - he's researching on starting a fund for little Ana, setting up a fundraiser event to help support her treatments in the future, and supporting me by buffering with our friends/family and notification/updates to what's happening.  I love him more completely every day and I wouldn't want anyone else by my side in this adventure. I'm so excited for our future with our happy little family!  


On a second-happy-end-note: I can feel little Ana kicking externally and moving around like my belly is an amazing little jungle gym all this week! Tim also got to feel her little head at our midwife appointment on Friday...and got to draw my blood for glucose testing because the nurse couldn't get it with the tiny needles. That's bonding right there! lol!


<3!